Books and magazines can often create a glamorous picture of items that can turn out to be dangerous. For example, we are often fascinated by stories about one-sided love or difficult relationships — we are used to believing that strong feelings are always linked to severe pain. Bad guys with cynical jokes always seem very charming and pregnancy looks like a woman’s best time in life.
Many people believe the more painful a relationship is, the more person you love. Psychologists, however, claim this is not true because in a stable relationship there is no room for excessive pain. Experts see the link between what the marriage of our parents is/was like (what our family relationships are) and how we conduct ourselves in a couple.
According to psychotherapist Robin Norwood, if a girl has an emotionally unavailable father, there is a risk that she will be choosing men who are indifferent to her in her adult life. The thing is, trying to get attention and receiving nothing in return is her a normal model of behaviour. Norwood is also persuaded that children with parents possessing some form of addiction (e.g. alcohol) are more likely to have harmful relationships.
Directors have recently started to make charismatic sociopaths the principal characters in their films and shows. You probably remember the Sherlock show where a detective, who isn’t very good at communication, is very attractive: fans love to see him express feelings when they least expect him.
But in real life, connecting with them would be really hard because sociopaths don’t know what compassion, guilt, and love are (this psychological disorder is when a person is antisocial and they’re ignoring social rules).
Loneliness was also a part of the picture of attractive characters in the novel. Really no one in the world understands them. This feeling of disconnecting from the rest of the world can appear even when people surround you. Neurologist John Cacioppo’s theory indicates that we need depression to have the ability to sustain relationships with other people. But when it’s temporary, that feeling is only good.
When someone is constantly depressed, the consequences can be very severe, leading to such issues as poor sleep, depression, and health problems. And, according to some scientists, isolation is the biggest cause for heart and vessel disorders, which raises the risk of premature death by around 2 times.
The tale of Belle who, with her love, was able to turn the Beast into a prince, and the story of Anastasia Steele of 50 Shades of Grey who turned a cold sadist into a passionate man, are very popular plots. It appears that the images of bad guys like Draco Malfoy and Jim Moriarty are extremely attractive. However, a relationship with a tyrant partner in real life will lead to a psychological situation which is very touchy.
You can also see the famous Stockholm Syndrome at home — it’s the connection between a victim and an abuser in family relation. And one of the spouses (no matter which one and what gender they are) routinely assault the other physically or mentally and the other partner only sees this treatment as a fact and accepts the actions of the abuser. Some people are absolutely convinced they can change their violent partner and save them with affection. But psychologists claim that there’s no way to fix it unless that person realizes it’s a problem.
Nowadays, different addictions, like smoking, drinking alcohol and taking drugs, seem to be trendy. Drinking is even considered a part of certain cultures. Many film characters come across in funny situations when they drink. To someone who is sad, a cigarette and a glass of whiskey seem to be totally OK. For people, even drugs seem romantic (because some artists and musicians are taking them).
Psychologists claim, however, that this romanticizing results in detrimental effects when people avoid understanding how unhealthy their bad habits are. And when children try to mimic adults by clinking juice cups, that’s not a good thing: kids get used to the fact that there’s no alcohol-free celebration. And drinking is probably riskier than taking drugs, according to some scientists, because alcohol is more common and easier to get.
Instagram bloggers act as though depressing is cool. There is nothing appealing about depression, anorexia or any other psychological or food disorders, though. Romanticizing them in the media has led to the fact that psychological disorders explain even the smallest failures and mistakes that people make: a little fear is a panic attack, and a bad mood is a depression.
Don’t say that you don’t have any conditions there’s nothing positive about taking drugs you don’t need. And people who really need help might get lost in the background of those who seek disorders they don’t have, just to feel different from everyone else.
Many people want to make charitable work a part of their identity but it’s an incredibly serious duty to support orphans. Psychologists say kids from orphanages hate contests where winners get a reward because other kids feel insulted and want to take the prize away from the winner and ruin it. And some volunteers claim that kids in orphanages are often negatively influenced by gifts from people they don’t know: kids get used to having someone give them something, but things don’t work like this in their future lives.
So, we should be extremely careful when giving orphans gifts. Children need much more attention than they need things, according to volunteers: it is better to spend time with them or to visit them and give them a lecture or teach them some sort of lesson. Nevertheless, according to psychologists, don’t forget — if someone wants to help kids, they should do it regularly and consistently because separation from the people with whom they have come close is very bad.
The inability to keep a house clean
“Creative mess” is already a very popular thing. The inability to keep your workplace or house clean may, however, cause a lot of trouble. Scientists see a connection between procrastination and the inability to maintain order. Experts say a cluttered house can cause depression, which only gets worse with age.
Psychologists advise that you put things away once you stop using them. If you’re doing just a little every day, you ‘re not going to have to clean the whole day.
Pregnant women look so happy in movies and advertisements and models and actresses show off their flawless bodies shortly after they give birth. Psychologists, however, warn: Don’t forget how different reality is from what they show us on TV and in magazines. Every situation is entirely individual and there are of course women whose pregnancies are easy. But be careful when you start thinking that pregnancy looks so romantic, or that it’s the best time in the life of a woman.
Doctors suggest that people not forget that having a child poses a lot of risks to a woman’s health, you should study the potential complications associated with pregnancy in advance, brace for back pain, mood swings, swelling, acid reflux, and other possible problems. A lot of women also turn out to be unprepared for changes in their appearance, which will inevitably happen when they get pregnant and give birth.
Freelance and being a blogger
Kids have wanted to be actors, astronauts, and vets in the past. Today, a blogger is the most popular answer to the question concerning a future profession. But blogs do need a ton of work. In addition, the extensive disclosure of your personal life and the relentless scrutiny of strangers may have a negative impact on how you feel. And in order to become a well-paid, stable income freelancer, you have to acquire a certain amount of experience and have a client base — but that takes years!
Working remotely can have a negative effect on people according to psychologists. Without communication and a sense of unity with colleagues, people can develop depression, social phobias, internet addiction and the feeling that nothing important is being done. Remote work allows people to be highly disciplined and prepared to have no sick leave, no weekends and no weekends.
The inability to take care of one’s appearance
The popular “messy” appearance often turns into a simple untidiness that is justified with, “I am what I am and I don’t want to change myself.” If a person can’t choose clothes, look smooth or wash their hair often enough, this might not seem like a big problem. But in fact, it is. If a person doesn’t want to take proper care of their appearance, it means they ‘re chronically dissatisfied with their lives, psychologists say.
Psychologists say: we should be satisfied with everything that we do. They recommend that you develop good habits, and if you find that you don’t love yourself, you should develop that love — train in front of the mirror and compliment yourself. You can also learn to find the features that people would fall in love with yourself.
Do you agree with the idea that you shouldn’t measure love by how much pain you have to go through to get it? Have you ever made any of the things described in the article romantic? Tell us what your experience is like!
Illustrated by Alena Tsarkova