Toxic experiences can make you feel dissatisfied, diminish your self-worth, and even make you wonder if you deserve love at all. And the scariest thing is that without you even knowing it and understanding that it’s happening, it can happen. For instance, for your partner, you might always want to go above and beyond. They, on the other hand, can give very little back. This dynamic can have devastating impacts on you.
Giving and taking
Also in a great relationship, seeing partners who give and take equally is almost rare. And it is natural. It’s only normal to want a shoulder to cry on, or someone who can give you emotional, and maybe even financial, help when you’re going through a tough time. And it’s just as normal to want to spend all of your time and attention on the person you love who needs your support desperately.
However, when one partner does all the giving, it may become toxic, while another one does all the talking while gives nothing in return. You still want to be there for your partner if you’re a naturally selfless, affectionate, and loving person. And maybe it’s even less clear to you that they just aren’t trying to give you as much in exchange.
Your support may be appreciated at first, but then your partner may begin to take it for granted. They could start taking advantage of you, needing you constantly to get them out of some trouble they made themselves.
Signs that you are a giver
For your partner, you feel responsible and feel the need to assist them. You don’t see any other way to deal with the problem, so it’s what you have to do.
Without you, you think they wouldn’t be able to cope. So the burden that you already feel becomes even greater, because, without you, you are sure that your partner will be lost. And that you can’t let happen.
The desires of your partner come first. You spend so much time on the issues of your loved one and also set aside the care of your own issues and duties.
You assume that if you stop coming to the rescue of your partner and if you stop giving them continuous encouragement, they may not want to continue to be in a relationship with you.
How being a constant giver can hurt you
If you don’t get the same amount of time, energy, and support in return, all the things you do for someone who you genuinely care for can be emotionally exhausting. Often, continually thinking about the needs of someone else is frustrating.
And if apart from that, this constant care for others stops you from care for yourself and your needs and finding enough time for me, your self-esteem, your way of seeing yourself, and your overall mental health can really be damaged.
It might also be difficult for you to see yourself as something different from your partner at one point. You may find it hard, and even almost impossible, to imagine, apart from them, what it’s like to be single.
What you can do about it
You may not even know that you are in a relationship where you are a giver and that your partner is a taker. And you don’t understand where the bad emotions come from and where all this fatigue comes from. What’s wrong, you can’t quite understand.
That’s why, if you want to find out how to cope with this case, the most important thing to do is realise that you’re in it. Then, when you get nothing in return, you can ask yourself why you still feel the need to give and keep your mouth shut.
Set your limits right away if you’re in a new relationship. Before you know your partner better and before you’re confident they’ll be just as accepting of you as you’re able to be of them, don’t over-invest too fast.
Have you ever been in a relationship in which you have been a constant giver? How was it that made you feel? How have you dealt with this? In the comments, please share your thoughts!