Mike Berry, the author and father of several children, discusses in his blog why his wife is more important to him than his children and why every family should follow this concept. The blog article became very popular and divisive: the author was criticized by some people while others were motivated by it because it really changed their thought.
Eight adopted children are raised by Mike and his wife Kristin. For 17 years, they have been happily married and are doing active social work to help other families deal with problems and develop a harmonious relationship.
Normally it’s 8:30 when I send the first warning to my two teenage daughters that it’s time. And I’m telling them at 9 pm, “You should go to your place.” I’m doing this almost every night. And every time they protest,
“Why must we go to bed at 9? We’re no longer men!”I’m just telling you to leave the living room, you don’t have to go to bed now. Mom and I haven’t seen each other throughout the day because we’ve been concentrating on our jobs. We need time to be together. “The eyes of the girls roll.
Personally, as long as I can remember, we followed this law. We’ve been parents for 15 years and the kids have never taken our entire time. My wife and I spend a lot of time with our kids, but never around the clock. We love our kids and they play a big part in our lives, of course. They can rely on us all the time and get our help and support.
But there’s “us” besides kids. Our friendship with each other. Kristin and I must always make sure we have a strong and healthy family. There are several explanations why this is significant, and four of them are here.
1. The foundation of the home is a happy family.
Kids aren’t the family’s pillar. They’re a huge part of it, but they’re not the ones we call family keeping this dysfunctional system. You and your wife, your friend, your partner, are the most important part of the family. You are the one with all the accountability. And based on your example, the children choose their paths.
2. Before them, it was us.
It was the 2 of us before they lived. We fell in love, we skipped classes together, we talked all night on the phone (and with a cord attached to the wall), and then we decided to stay together forever. We were at the start of the route. And we started the whole thing about this family. Then we had our lovely girls. We’re glad to have them, of course. But it’s sacred to our family. And we must do all we can to defend it.
3. After them, it will be us.
There’s nothing going on forever. A moment will come when the kids grow up and leave the nest. I don’t know about you, but a 30-year-old child has no room in my home. So when they leave our home, have their own families and raise their own kids, I want my relationship with my wife to remain as deep and intimate as it was at the very beginning. And we need to focus on the relationship right now to have such a future. The priority should be our friend. It’s not as convenient as it seems, of course.
4. We need to set a future example.
The kids see us and learn from us, as I described earlier. We are doing what we are doing and watching every move we make. I always hear, “We raise adults, not kids.” Again, I don’t know about you, but I want my kids to grow up with a typical dating, marriage, and family attitude. And I want them to be an example of our union. So, my wife’s coming to my kids. They’re very similar but after my mom.
We appear to be exhausted and stressed at the end of the day. And yes, your children need you, they are really important. Not his hobby, not his buddies, not his work. And you ought to take care of them. But first, take care of the relationship.
We’ve got crazy plans. There’s always a lack of free time. With our family, we spend the whole day. And that’s why I ask them to go every night at 9 p.m. to their quarters. That’s why, twice a month, my wife and I have a date and we’re out. Because that’s significant.
This is why my wife comes before my children.
Do you agree with the author’s opinion? Tell us in the comment section below.
Illustrated by Yekaterina Ragozina